Kyle is So Gay
by TinyVamp12
Summary: Cartman expresses his feelings after Kyle turns him down. One-sided Kyle/Cartman.


I actually like how this came out, though it's short. I'm writing a chapter-fic, and the first chapter will be up tomorrow. I also need to submit some Twilight and HP one-shots I wrote in class. I wasn't able to get on before, but now I can. And I changed my PenName to TinyVamp12 'cause it's easier.

By the way, for a Kyle/Cartman ship name…Cartyle or Kyman?

DISCLAIMER: I don't own South Park. Or any character mentioned in this. Or "Ur So Gay", for that matter. If you thought I did, I will hit you with a water bottle.  
A POLAND water bottle. Then I will steal your gummy bears. Sp belong to Trey Parker and Matt Stone, Comedy Central, Viacom, and Ur So Gay to Katy Perry.

Oh, and a few cusses…this is the first South Park fic to ever have cusses, I bet.

* * *

The only time Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters could see each other all at once was on the bus, thanks to the complicities of eighth grade. As Kenny headed to his usual seat in the back, his best friend pulled him into his seat instead. It was hard to say they were best friends- Kenny didn't give a crap about him-Cartman-, and Cartman would chose pizza over Kenny's life any day. Not that he didn't come back from the dead anyway all the time. Long story.

Kenny shot him an annoyed look, and scooted away as far as the bus seat would allow. He was about to reach into his pocket for his PSP when he saw the look in Cartman's xbox- 360-gray eyes. They were looking at Kyle, who was a few seats diagonally from them, sitting next to Stan as usual. His ginger locks peaked from under his lime-green ushanka, which he tucked behind one ear before babbling on to Stan. Glancing back to Cartman, Kenny saw the look in his eyes was…a mix of hunger and frustration. If expressions could eat, his eyes would be devouring Kyle like he was a twinkie. That spunded wrong...but a lot of stuff Cartman (and Kenny, but in a different way) did was wrong, so that's okay.

Kenny rolled his eyes. Sometimes his supposed-friend got annoying with his infatuation- well, he treated it much more seriously than infatuation- with his other (better) friend.

"(Dude, what?") he finally asked.

"Kyle's a gayward."

"We all know that."

"No, but even if he wasn't gay, he still would be."

"That makes no sense, dumbass."

Cartman ignored him, and Kenny sighed.

"He said no?"

"What do you think, ya poor piece of crap?!""

The immortal parka boy shrugged. "Just clarifying, dude."

Cartman sighed, then brightened up, leering his infamous smirk.

"Get his damn attention, Ken."

Kenny did that, though he knew he will regret it.

He will.

"Hey Kyle! The fatass wants you!"

Kyle jumped slightly, then turned around with a look of irascible look on his face. He better npt ask him _again_, for the ninth time in one day. "What?"

Cartman cleared his throat.

"_I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarfWhile jacking off listening to Mozart_

_You bitch and moan about South Park,_

_Wishing you were in LA,_

_Or in the snow reading Hemingway_

_You eat kosher,_

_And drive electrical carsYou're so indie rock it's almost an artYou need SPF 45 just to stay alive."_

Kyle raised an eyebrow. What was wrong with all of that stuff?

His lover continued singing…"_You're so gay and you don't even like boysNo you don't even likeNo you don't even likeNo you don't even like boysYou're so gay and you don't even like boysNo you don't even likeNo you don't even likeNo you don't even like…__You're so sad maybe you should buy a happy mealYou're so skinny you should really Super Size the dealSecretly you're so amusedThat nobody understands youI'm so mean cause I cannot get you outta your headI'm so angry cause you'd rather WoW insteadI can't believe I fell in love with someone that wears more makeup than Wendy."_

"Why is Cartman singing an edited version of a Katy Perry song?" Stan piped up.

_"You're so gay and you don't even like boysNo you don't even likeNo you don't even likeNo you don't even like boysYou're so gay and you don't even like boysNo you don't even likeNo you don't even like_

_No you don't even like…_

_You walk around like you're oh so debonair,_

_You pull 'em down and there's really nothing there._

_I wish you would just be real with me, daywalker._

_You're so gay and you don't even like boys,_

_No you don't even like,_

_No you don't even like,_

_No you don't even like boys._

_You're so gay and you don't even like boys._

_No you don't even like,_

_No you don't even like_

_Oh no no no no no no no_

_You're so gay and you don't even like boys_

_No you don't even like_

_No you don't even like_

_No you don't even like boys_

_You're so gay and you don't even like boys_

_No you don't even likeNo you don't even like_

_No you don't even like… BALLS."_

His best friend was tapping his foot to the beat the whole time, but Kyle didn't notice. He was too busy staring at Cartman with an amorous expression- well, Cartman thought it looked like that. Kyle really looked like saying "What the hell?" Stan and Kenny's faces probably said that too, but did Cartman sing for_ them? _

The bus stopped abruptly- perfect timing. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny stood up to escape, all except the singer dumbfounded after the little- or eminent- performance. Cartman got annoyed for a moment- Stan and Kenny was blocking his view of Kyle.

* * *

Review please- even if you didn't like it, use constructive critiscism. It means a lot! I can just use my mind-control powers if you don't anyway...except I have none.


End file.
